Grieving in a Winning Season
My Journey of Transparency and Healing
Did you know you can be in a state of grief while in a winning season? I didn’t—until I lived it.
On the surface, life was amazing. My student loans were forgiven, I got a promotion that exceeded even my prayers, I’m nearly debt free, and my podcast is exploding in ways I couldn’t have imagined. We’ve grown from listeners in 18 countries to 45 countries. I was nominated for awards for Best Podcast, and to top it off, we’re ranked #17 on Feedspot Today’s Top 35 Podcasts.
It sounds like a dream, right? But while I was surrounded by all these incredible blessings, I felt heavy. Sad. Even dark at times. And I couldn’t figure out why.
Then it hit me: I was grieving the apology I never got from my ex-husband.
Five years after moving on, seven years post-divorce, and two years into my own Affair Recovery Coaching business, grief found its way back to me.
Grief doesn’t always come when we expect it. Sometimes it sneaks in, uninvited, during the happiest moments of our lives. I teach my clients all the time how to move forward without closure, and yet here I was, face-to-face with my own lingering pain.
As I sat with my emotions, I realized that the weight I was feeling wasn’t just about grief. It was tangled up with something deeper—weakness, shame, fear, and insecurity.
Weakness. It’s not a word we like to associate with ourselves, is it? For so many of us, weakness feels like failure. Society teaches us to be strong, to push through, to show the world our best face. But what happens when we’re not strong? When we feel fragile, vulnerable, and unsure of ourselves? Admitting that I was struggling felt like admitting defeat, and that’s a hard pill to swallow when you’re the one who’s supposed to have it all together.
Shame. Oh, the grip of shame. It whispers lies: “You should be over this by now. You’re weak for still caring. No one will understand.” Shame isolates us, making us feel like we’re the only ones who haven’t figured life out. It had me believing that if I shared my struggle, people would judge me for not living up to the picture-perfect life they thought I had.
Fear and insecurity. What if people saw the real me—the me who still wrestles with grief, who doesn’t have it all figured out? What if my vulnerability made me unworthy of love, respect, or even success? Fear kept me silent for far too long, convincing me to hide my struggles instead of embracing them.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Admitting our weaknesses doesn’t make us weak—it makes us human.
The Bible reminds us in 2 Corinthians 12:9:
"My power is made perfect in weakness."
Grieving while in a winning season taught me to lean into my imperfections and trust God to turn them into strengths. I was holding onto this unhealthy pursuit of perfection, but I’ve learned that admitting our weaknesses removes shame. God gives us strength when we’re willing to say, “I’m not okay.”
So, I logged off social media and took time to feel it all. I prayed. I cried. I danced. I laughed. I celebrated. I worshipped. I spent time planning for my business and deepening my relationships with friends, family, and my Source.
And here’s the good news: I’m back and stronger.
Now, I’m excited. Excited to grow Life After Infidelity. Excited to share my wins and my failures. Excited to finish my master’s degree in 2025. Excited to experience true love for the first time. And most importantly, excited to just be.
To my friends and family, whether you knew or didn’t know what I was carrying, thank you. You are the cornerstone of my joy. Community is everything, and right now, I’m feeling blessed beyond measure.
So, here’s to a new chapter of thriving, failing forward, and celebrating every step of the journey. Be blessed, family. I’ll be posting more soon!
