The No. It Hurts, But The Closure Is a Blessing

WHEW, CHILE! Today’s conversation is gonna hit different, 'cause it’s fresh out the womb! So lets get into it. You know that moment when you’re screaming, “I want closure! I want closure!” and then—bam!—you finally get it, and oh my goodness, it hurts bad!. And you’re not mad, you’re just hurt. And yet, there’s a little relief tucked in there, too, 'cause at least now you know. That’s the sting I’m currently feeling. 

Let me break it down for you.

My Story: When Closure Came with a Side of Heartbreak

I met this amazing guy almost four years ago on a dating app. He was cool, fun, and a whole vibe. I was just dipping my toe back into the dating pool, and—girl—I ghosted him. I know, I know…don’t judge me! Long story short, by the time I finally reached back out, he was on his way out of state. But you know how it goes—whenever he swung by Dallas, we made it a point to catch up.

Fast forward to mid-2024. He’s in town again, we hang out like we always do, and I’m lowkey getting all my feelings stirred up. Then, out of the blue, it happens: I muster up the courage, lay my heart on the line, and tell him I’ve got feelings for him. And his response?????  “I have no desire for a long distance relationship.” Ouch, right? I respected that, but my heart wasn’t ready to just stay friends. I told him that I couldn’t keep mingling my heart with friendship—it was too much, too deep. And his reply? He said he respects my boundaries, and he’s got his own too.

And here’s where it hurts even more: I was secretly hoping he’d say, “Briaina, I love you, girl! I want to make this work—even if it is long distance!” I wanted him to fight for me, to show that he was willing to go the distance. But that wasn’t his truth. And that NO stung because it digs deep into a core wound of mine. REJECTION. My inner little girl came out crying, remembering all those moments of feeling left alone. I had to remind her: You are worthy, and you deserve a love that fights for you.

Reflecting on Boundaries and Hidden Hopes

Here’s what I’m learning, and I want you to learn it with me. I appreciate that we both had our boundaries—mine for my heart and his for his life. Boundaries aren’t ultimatums, they’re our self-protection. They say, “This is what I’m comfortable with, and here’s how I’ll respond if it’s not honored.” And we both stood by that.

Honestly, in the back of my heart I was hoping that he’d change his mind. But I realized that by secretly waiting for him to change his mind, I was only blocking the love that’s truly meant for me. I was holding onto a hope that wasn’t really his promise—it was my own deep-seated longing for a man who’d fight for me. And let’s be honest, I’ve been hurt before by those who didn’t fight for my heart. My dad left when I was a child; my ex-husband fought for me, but only so he could manipulate me. So, when I wished for someone to battle for our love, I was tapping into that old, painful rejection. And that pain still hurts from time to time. .

A Lesson in Closure and Moving Forward

Even though it hurts, I’m embracing this closure. I’m learning to honor my feelings—because when the no hurts, it’s also the closure I need. It’s a reminder to release what isn’t meant for me, to clear space in my heart for someone who will truly meet me at my worth. I’m not putting my life on hold waiting for him to change his mind, nor am I shutting down the world. Instead, I’m opening myself up to new possibilities, knowing that every rejection has been a redirection from God. Life’s funny like that—sometimes, the no is just a setup for a future yes that aligns with who we truly are.

A Special Note to that Special Someone:

So to the guy in which this post is about: here are all the things that made me accidentally fall for you. You’re the first man post-divorce with whom I truly felt like myself. I was reserved and shy, yet you made me feel safe. You’ve always been patient, even when I was a little extra (like when I was hyper-fixated on finding that perfect rug for my apartment and you, without missing a beat, called me crazy and then found it online for me that same day). You’re caring, thoughtful, and articulate. You give the best advice, and yes, there might be a tear or two while I write this. You are supportive, accountable, and unapologetically you. I know you’re guarded, and part of that comes from the fact that I ghosted you before—and for that, I apologize from the depths of my heart.

I pray that you not only find the love you desire but the love you truly deserve. I pray she is a woman after God’s own heart, someone who brings you peace and joy. I hope she gives you the daughter you’ve always wanted so you can finally use that pre-planned name (even though you know I had my own name picked out too LOL!).

More than anything, I pray you find a love that frees you from fear—a love where you feel safe enough to love fully, without hesitation. Fate may not have written our story in the stars, but I hope you find a love that lifts you that high.

I’m still trying to make sense of what I felt for you—whether I simply had love for you or was truly falling in love. But in your words, whatever kind of love it was, it was Superman love.

And for that, I’m grateful. Even if the “no” still hurts like hell.

Let’s Reflect Together

Now, beautiful soul, if my story resonates with you, I invite you to sit with these questions—let them stir up some honest, vulnerable reflection:

• What story am I telling myself about this experience?

Think about the narrative you’ve built around rejection and closure. Is it a story of defeat, or can it be rewritten as one of strength and self-love?

• Why do I feel rejected, and what is that rejection making me think about my own worth?
  Dive deep into your feelings. Are you internalizing this no as a reflection of your value, or is it simply a boundary that wasn’t meant for you?

• Why am I internalizing a decision that clearly wasn’t about me?
  Sometimes, the choices of others are a projection of their own fears and limitations. How can you separate your truth from someone else’s narrative?

• How can I continue to live life so that I’m not blocking what is meant for me?
  What small, courageous steps can you take today to open your heart to the love that awaits you?

Remember, sis, every “no” you encounter is just a part of your journey—a painful yet necessary step towards finding the love that truly lifts you up. Embrace the closure, honor your feelings, and trust that in every ending lies the seed of a new, vibrant beginning.

With all my love. 

Briaina LaTrice,