Our First Experience with Real Love Isn’t In Romance—It’s In Friendships.
Can We Normalize Friendships as True Love Stories?
Not on some “homo” stuff (y’all be so weird about that), but on some real-life, deep, soul-connected friendship type of love. Ok! So I recently rewatched the last two seasons of Insecure (again—because, duh, I’m a super fan), and during one of the Wine Downs (yes, I stay for those too), Issa said something that I really appreciated. She mentioned how everyone thought the real love story was between her and Lawrence, but in reality, the actual love story was her and Molly. That moment made me pause because, honestly I could relate.
I don’t think we talk about it enough—how our deepest, most transformative relationships aren’t always romantic. LISTEN, the bond between women, especially those of us on a journey of self-improvement and personal growth, is something sacred. The way we love, support, and show up for each other. That’s the real definition of ride or die.
My Bestie, My Sister
So let me tell you about one of my besties. We met in my second year of college, and from day one, the vibe was effortless. We’ve been rocking ever since—19 years deep. And let me be real, it hasn’t always been perfect.
About 10 or 12 years in, we hit a rough patch. A real one. We stopped talking for two whole years. I tried to mend things once, and sis called me Judas. (Yes, full betrayal mode. The dramatics were real. LOL!) At that point, I didn’t reach out again.
Fast-forward two years later, and time did its thing. The anger softened, the wounds weren’t as fresh, and she reached out. We finally had that hard conversation—the one where you lay it all out. We agreed to disagree and decided: this friendship is worth rebuilding..
That Insecure Moment
One thing I’ll never forget is this trip we took to Austin. I honestly don’t even remember what we were laughing about, but it was one of those deep, gut-wrenching laughs—the kind that makes your stomach hurt and your eyes water. In that moment, I told her, “Girl, we just had an Insecure moment.” It reminded me of the scene where Issa and Molly got robbed by their old classmate, and afterward, they just sat in the car and laughed so hard. That moment was symbolic—it showed they were going to be okay. And that’s exactly how I felt about our friendship in that moment. That deep, soul-affirming belly laugh with my best friend let me know—we were gonna be okay.
Lessons in Love and Conflict
But life be life-ing and years later, we had another difference. And this time I was livid. Not just mad, but deeply hurt. I refused to reach out. I told myself, I’m done for real this time. But guess what? She reached out again. And this time, our conversation went deeper. She asked me, Why didn’t you fight for me like you fought for another friendship?
And that question sat with me. Because here’s the thing: friendships are relationships, too. They shape us, stretch us, challenge us, and, when nurtured right, they grow us. They can be reciprocal or one-sided, fulfilling or draining. They can be seasons or lifetimes. But when you have something real? Something that has stood the test of time it’s worth fighting for.
Grieving a Friendship
What I realized during our time apart was that I was grieving our friendship. I missed her. Her absence left a void. And that’s when I knew—this wasn’t just any friendship. This was a 19-year love. She was there before I even met my now my ex-husband.
So, let’s normalize healthy conflict in friendships. Because through those moments of separation and disagreement, we grew. Each time we came back together, we were better friends. We understood each other more. And most importantly, we never took our friendship for granted. In fact, we use the Issa and Molly code word “Malibu” when we need to have a truth moment.
Friendship is a Love Story
Let’s be clear—I’m not saying stay in toxic, one-sided friendships. I’m saying honor the ones that matter. Cherish the people who see you, love you, and grow with you. Normalize telling your friends you love them, you cherish them, you see them, and you trust them. Because more often than not, your first experience with real love is in your friendships.
So, to my best friend—19 years in, and still choosing each other through it all—I love you, girl. No disclaimer needed.
